The Dragon Lady's Lair

Handbook for Life

2011-04-01T19:31:00.000-07:00

Sometime in 2009, a friend forwarded me her Handbook for Life. She knew I was always stressed, and she wanted to give this to me as a gift to help put things in perspective.

The guidelines are all solid and true and everlasting. It’s tough to remember to live by them 100% of the time, but if I’m feeling anxious or down or angry…I take a look at the list and try to remind myself to follow the guidelines.

I keep a printout of them on my desk at work. And now I’m sharing them here in hopes that other people find them useful.

HANDBOOK FOR LIFE

Health:

1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to meditate.
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did last year.
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minute walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:

11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake.
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner of his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class, but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Society:

25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. Spend time w/people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:

32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. Time heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is…it will change.
36. No matter how you feel…get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come.
38. When you awake alive in the morning, count your blessings.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Repetition = Confidence

2011-03-08T18:21:00.000-08:00

I was recently asked this question by a friend, and after I sent him my answer….I though it might be an interesting topic for a blog. Especially given the fact that I so rarely blog about pool. So here goes….
Q. I've seen a lot of potential in my wife's play, even with her limited playing time. But her biggest struggle seems to be mental toughness. How do you go about in your preparation and competitions? Do you have routines or books you read that give you more confidence?

Regarding mental toughness...the best advice I can give is that good preparation is the foundation for a strong mind. Doubt and fear are very powerful emotions...ones that can cripple a player's confidence. The best protection against this is to know your shots 100%...to have your cue be an extension of you...to be so confident in your knowledge and stroke that there is no room for doubt or fear. The only way I have found to achieve this is through practice.

If I shoot the same shot 100 times...and make it 100 times...then when the 101st time rolls around...there is very little chance I will miss it.

If I shoot/make it 1000 times...that chance gets much, much smaller.

If I shoot/make it 10,000 times...I would bet my entire bank account, my car, my 401K and my dog's life that I won't miss the ball.

It's like anything else in life. You have to make it as natural to shoot a 9-ball as it is to tie your shoes or start your car in the dark. Repetition is the key to making that happen. (Think of walking into your bedroom in the dark. You don’t fumble around looking for the light switch for 5 minutes. You aren’t afraid or nervous about finding that switch. Your mind and body know where the light switch is through years of repetition…so there is no room for doubt or fear.)

Now, once you get to a level where you can compete amongst the best, there are other things that can be done to help boost your confidence and keep your brain in a calm and steady state. Jennifer Barretta works out...because for her a strong body equals a strong mind. She feels more confident about herself when she is exercising regularly. I like yoga...because it helps you find your center and learn to create a calm, steady state through deep breathing. Others listen to music to clear their mind...while some write blogs or journals. Preparation techniques are as individual as the players themselves, but I promise that you that 95% of the top players stick to the same basic routine in preparation for a match. This is all part of the repetition…training your body and mind to respond the same way in every situation.

Repetition = Confidence

Believe it people.

Support For Our Soldiers...

2011-01-21T19:26:00.000-08:00

I’m not a brave person. There is no way that I could have joined the military and survived anything other than a desk job in the States. So, I have tremendous respect and admiration for the men and women who do sign up for our armed forces…often at a ridiculously young age. (I don’t want to go off on a tangent…but let me just say I find it absurd that our gov’t and society will allow 18-yr olds to die in battle on our behalf…but they are prevented from doing so many other things because of their youth. For example…consume or purchase alcohol off-base. Or rent a car without paying outrageous “under 21” fees. Joe Army can drive a tank for the US gov’t…but he can’t rent a car from Budget. Seriously?)

My little brother is planning to join the Navy this year. I am terrified for him…but at the same time, I am so proud of him…and I think it is a good decision for him. My uncle, my father, and both grandfathers served in various divisions of the armed forces…as well as many of my close friends.

So…because I am not a brave person…I try to find ways to show my support for our troops. I’ve been pen-pals with soldiers (who also happen to be pool enthusiasts), I have visited military bases with the other WPBA ladies to play challenge matches and socialize with these brave young men and women…and most recently, I have taken to sending care packages to soldiers stationed overseas. I love doing this…as it gives me the warmest of fuzzies to know that these packages help to keep our deployed soldiers more comfortable and happy while they are stationed far from home, friends, and family.

If you want to support a soldier, there are many websites that can help you. You can join their services and “adopt” a soldier or troop…or you can research things such as the most requested/popular items (I was recently asked for chapstick, lotion and foot powder) or easiest/cheapest shipping methods (USPS has a flat rate box for APO/FPO addresses. The box is free, the shipping is $12.50).

http://www.anysoldier.com/

http://www.herobox.org/

http://www.opgratitude.com/

http://www.ustroopcarepackage.com/

http://www.operationshoebox.com/

As a side note…if you are interested in sending a care package…but don’t have a lot of money to spend...you can always involve your friends and family by asking them for donations. My most recent care package had all kinds of things donated by my friends…microwave popcorn, hot chocolate packages, CD’s, razors, lotions, deodorants, powdered drink mixes, etc. These were items that my friends had extras of…or were able to give away without impacting their household budget too badly.

(And if anyone wants advice or wants to contribute to one of my future care packages…you can always email me at herndonmc@gmail.com)

The 2011 Things-To-Do List

2011-01-10T22:39:00.000-08:00

Just as it happens at the beginning of every new year, I start 2011 with a renewed sense of purpose, determination and a good intention to get stuff done. So…while I am still in that mode…I figured I’d start by blogging about everything I plan to do this year. First off...and it's priority over the whole list so it's not even on the list...I intend to play more pool and get back my Top 16 ranking. I'm off to a rocky start with this one since I couldn't attend the WPBA Masters in Michigan...but I'm committed for any other events this year. I love the game and look forward to getting back to playing more.

Now on to the list...

#1 – I intend to blog regularly. What does regularly mean? Well…to me it means at least once a month. There is no purpose in having the darn things if I don’t use it. My role models for this are OMGWTF, PCN guy, and Gail Glazebrook. They are all busy human beings (well, since I’ve never met PCN, I have to assume he/she is human…LOL)…yet each one of them has made a commitment to their blogs…and been very impressive in keeping those commitments. Note to self: You don’t have to write novels. Short and sweet works just as well!

#2 – Engage in creative activity. There are several items on my bucket list that I could address to fill this creative void in my life. I could learn quilting or knitting, candlemaking, jewelry making…whatever! I just need to try a bunch of new things, find something I really like, and then dive into really getting juicy with it. I admire creative people…so I intend to nurture that inner child who never stopped wanting her finger paints.

#3 – Go to X-Games and Comic-Con and the Rose Parade. I live in So Cal…and yet I have never taken advantage of my close proximity to these fantastic events. I’m not a big comic book or skateboarding fan…but I believe that events like Comic-Con transcend your normal fandom and create an experience that just about anyone will enjoy. I’ve already got my hook-ups for Comic-Con and the Rose Parade…now I just need to find one for the X-Games!!!

#4 – Do something extreme. River rafting, skydiving…something along those lines. Ziplining might not count as extreme…but I want to try that, too.

#5 – Help organize a charity event. I love event planning…and I want to volunteer…so this might be the perfect outlet for me!

#6 – Travel more. I might not be able to take a week long tropical vacation…but weekend road trips aren’t out of the question. I used to take them all the time when I was younger…and I miss those days. I’m definitely hitting Nor Cal, SD and AZ sometime this year. And, of course, there’s always Vegas.

#7 – Watch less TV. This one is going to be hard…because I love TV. But I need to spend more time out and about in the world…doing things instead of watching others do things. But I really do love TV.

#8 – Learn how to bat to right field. Yes…I need to learn how to be able to hit to right field at will. I play co-ed softball with friends…and I would like to be able to drop a little curving blooper in over the 1st baseman’s head. Your opponent’s never expect it…and many times it will get you an extra base.
#9 – Go see the Ellen DeGeneres show. I just think she’s the bee’s knees…a terrific human being. And I think that being in her presence would just be plain fun.

#10 – Drink more water. Yep…that’s #10. It’s harder than it sounds because I pretty much hate plain water. But it’s so darn good for you…and when I do drink plenty of water, I just feel better. So…that’s the plan…to get into a habit of drinking plain, old, boring water.

Well…those are my top 10 things-to-do in 2011. But there are other things that didn’t make the list….and if you have any cool suggestions…please go ahead and leave me a comment!!

I'll take those pants, please.

2010-09-24T18:19:00.001-07:00

As with anyone else who has spent significant amounts of time in a pool room, I have seen and heard some hilarious things…been part of some really fun stories…and have witnessed a couple things that I wouldn’t believe if I hadn’t seen them.

Every now and then, I’d like to share a story from my past here on my blog. This is the first of those stories.

Like 99.9% of all female players of a certain skill level…I have been challenged to play by guys of all persuasions. Rich guys, poor guys, old guys, young guys, scumbags, gentlemen, executive types, military boys, pros, ball-bangers, cocky guys, nice guys, girls that I thought were guys…the list goes on and on.

The ones I have the most fun with are the guys who really have no clue about the pool world…but who think that they play really, really well.

I have a friend…let’s call her Jane. Jane was dating an older man…we will call him Bob. One night…Jane calls me up and asks me to go to dinner with her and Bob. When she picked me up…she informed me that Bob’s two nephews would also be joining us for dinner...and that they would meet us at the restaurant. She also clued me in that Bob’s nephews were 17 and 19…and that the 19 year old thought he was a pretty big hotshot on a pool table. I had basically been invited to dinner to teach 19-year old Nephew a lesson on the felt after dinner…if I was up to it.

During dinner, Bob kept grilling his nephews about their hobbies…what they liked to do. Finally, 19-yr old Nephew says that he loves to play pool…and he is better than anyone where he lives. The door has been opened…and Bob steps right through. He tells his nephews that there is a pool room close to his home…and says that we should all go play after dinner. 19-yr old Nephew accepts the challenge very cockily. Bob says that we can play some doubles…and that he will even take a girl for his partner…either Jane or me. Bob also tells his nephew that he will bet $100 against his nephew’s pants. Nephew wins…he gets $50. Uncle Bob wins…and nephew has to drop trouser right then and there. Now 19-yr old Nephew is quite excited…because he believes that he is going to whoop his uncle’s ass on the pool table.

So…after dinner, Jane and I drive to the pool room…which just happens to be my home room. I called the manager on the drive…and asked him to tell the staff to pretend they don’t know me, but to have Table 1 for us when we get there…and to have my cue and a copy of a recent Billiard’s Digest magazine (with a feature article about me) ready to go when I asked for it.

When we got to the pool room…Bob asked to rent a table and of course, the manager gave him Table 1. 19-yr old Nephew racked up a game of 8-ball and told his uncle that he would spot us the break. Bob broke, missed a ball, and then let 17-yr old Nephew shoot. He made a ball or two, then missed. It was my turn…and I got up and shot a ball left-handed. It was my plan to look awkward and totally random at the pool table…but I managed to leave 19-yr old Nephew without a good shot. He misses and it’s Bob’s turn again. Bob misses and now it’s back to 17-yr old nephew…who also misses. Now that it was back to me…Uncle Bob caught my eye and said, “Go ahead. Do it.” So…the manager brought out my cue, I switched from left-handed to right-handed…and promptly ran the table out. Both Nephews stood there dumb-founded…jaws on the floor…until I looked at 19-yr old Nephew and said, “I’ll take those pants please.” Everyone burst out laughing…and he started to undo his belt buckle. Of course, we let him off the hook…there was no way we actually wanted him to walk around in his skivvies for the rest of the night. Once the manager showed him the article about me and told him I was a pro…Nephew was definitely humbled and appreciative of the prank we had played on him.

It was a fun night…and a story that my friends Jane and Bob love to tell to this day.

Divorcing the Marlboro Man

2010-06-11T16:37:00.000-07:00

So I finally did it…I ended my 20-yr marriage to the Marlboro Man.

Sure…it was tough. But now I’m a free woman…no longer bound to the monster that had kept me ensnared my entire adult life.

I made the decision in mid-May…while my father was in the hospital. He has been a smoker for as long as I can remember…and it was finally taking a toll on his health. The doctors told him to quit or die basically. Yeah…there was maybe a third choice in there somewhere…something about losing his legs. But the basic message was quit or die. So…when the family told be about the doctor’s orders…I made the decision to quit with my father…to show him my support in the best way I could…which was to join him in his struggle to kick the nicotine monkey right in the gonads.

I decided to fly to NC to visit him once he got out of the hospital…and I planned that week to be my “quit week”. For 2 weeks prior to my Charlotte vacation…I slowly tried to taper off the daily number of cigarettes. I started reading about quitting…what to expect…what the hardest part was going to be…how to prepare for your quit day…etc. I printed out the Five Day Plan to Quit Smoking…and put it in a binder, along with a copy of my bucket list and some other things to keep me busy. The plan became to stay occupied as much as possible…to keep my mind from thinking about smoking.

I smoked my last cigarette the night before my flight to Charlotte. Once I got to my Dad’s…I told him about my plan to quit…and asked him how he was faring. Since he has been in the hospital for 2 weeks…and drugged to the gills for 98% of that time…he had a leg up on anyone else trying to quit. The nicotine was already out of his system (it takes about 72 hours for you to test 100% nicotine-free)…and he had missed all the withdrawal issues that you have to go through while detoxing. Now…all he was dealing with was breaking the habit…dealing with the everyday triggers that made him want to smoke.

The week I spent with my family was surprisingly easy. I didn’t feel like I was having any of the expected withdrawal issues…irritability, anxiety, excessive eating. There were a few tense moments…but they were sparse since I was living in a non-smoking home and far away from my everyday routine. I was thrilled to make it through that week successfully…and fairly easily. And I am happy to report that my 1 week anniversary was my father’s 4 week anniversary….so he is doing well.

Going home was another story. At this point…I had been smoke-free for one week. According to the Stop Smoking Recovery Timeline, my senses of smell and taste were starting to return to normal, I was 100% nicotine-free, and my lungs functional abilities were starting to increase. I felt good about my progress…but knew that returning to my “real life” was going to make my journey a little harder. I was going to have to start learning what it was like to go through my daily routine without smoking.

When Ross picked me up at the airport…my first instinct was to ask him for a cigarette. Actually…I am sure I did ask him for a cigarette…but I was just joking around. I expected the ride home to be tough…but I was pleasantly surprised at how comfortable I was with not-smoking. And Ross was wonderful…he didn’t smoke in the car…even though I told him it wouldn’t bother me.

I went back to work on Monday…and I’m happy to report that this week has also been easier than I expected. Sure…every now and then…I start doing something that I associate with smoking…and so I have a desire to light a cigarette. But I instantly recognize that I’m not “craving” a smoke…it’s just a habit associated with whatever activity I’m doing at that moment. It’s easy to forget about the craving and just move on. And I am finding that I think about smoking less and less each day.

Today is my 2 week anniversary…and I think I am going to stop keeping track of how long it has been. As of now…I’m just going to consider myself a non-smoker....not a smoker who has quit for a certain amount of time.

So farewell Marlboro Man. We have had some good times…but I’ve finally outgrown you…and I’ve made the decision not to let you ruin the rest of my life. (And thanks for the “alimony”…the money I will be saving by not having you around. Let’s just estimate it at about $90K if I live for the next 50 years!)

Links to helpful and informational websites about quitting smoking:

American Cancer Society
WhyQuit.com

My recent cancer scare

2010-05-17T17:13:00.000-07:00

So, I wasn't sure if I wanted to share this story with the world (or at least with the 13 people that might read my blog)...but I finally decided that this is the kind of thing that I created the blog for...to share my stories and experiences and thoughts...whether they are pool related or not.

In mid-April, I went to the OBGYN for my annual check-up. No problem. But a week later, I got a call from the Dr's office...and they wanted to see me again because the pap had shown abnormal cells in my cervix. So, I went back in, and had 2 biopsies...one of the cervix, and one kind of outside...because the Dr told me that I had some suspicious mole-type spots. Nothing too painful...but now the waiting game began.

A week later...I went back to Dr to get the results. I was diagnosed with CIN3 and VIN3. Both are caused by HPV. (And while I recognize that HPV has a negative connotation in most people's minds...please do some research before judging anyone with HPV...because it's most likely that you have had it at some point, but your body fought it off and you never knew about it...which is what happens like 80% of the time.) And both my CIN and VIN were grade 3...meaning that they were severe and needed to be surgically removed in order to prevent cancer from forming.

I had surgery May 3rd...and I have been dealing with recovery since. I had a LEEP procedure done for the CIN...and CO2 laser surgery for the VIN. Recovery has been easy for the LEEP, but incredibly painful and exhausting from the laser surgery. It's been 2 weeks, and I am finally getting to a point where sitting isn't tortuous or uncomfortable.

I have no intentions on getting into gory details here...partly because it's disgusting...and mostly because I doubt that anyone wants to read the details.

But I wanted to create a post to inform people a little about HPV, to dispell some of the misconceptions, and to share my own experience.

Last Wed, I got the news that the surgery was successful, and that they had removed everything they need to. Neither procedure should affect my ability to have children, and I've been told that the laser surgery will leave no scarring. So...after a hellishly scary month...everything is fairly back to normal. I'm working on quitting smoking...because apparently smoking increases chances of recurrence. But I will tell that story in another post someday.

Thanks for listening.

Ready or Not...Here I Come San Diego

2010-03-03T15:55:00.001-08:00

Of course...the "ready or not" refers to me...not San Diego. As the first WPBA tournament of the year rapidly approaches...I find myself completely unprepared as a player. See...I am on the Board of Directors for the WPBA...as well as being a player...and 2010 has started a little roughly for the organization. So...instead of focusing on practicing my game...I have been a busy little bee helping to make sure that this event runs smoothly for everyone else. (I also had to put together the RTC in February...and I am also working to try and start a So Cal Regional Tour...in my "spare time".)

Is it fair that I have placed the organization's welfare above my own for the time being? Depends on who you ask, I guess. My friends and family would tell me that I am working too hard...am too stressed...and that I need to quit trying to juggle so many balls. Other players have counseled that I need to try and forget my responsibilities before and during a tournament...because they don't want my pool career to suffer. I've had very wise people advise me that...at some point...I have to make sure that I am happy....and if not having time to play is making me unhappy, then I need to make changes in my life.

On the other hand...I have players who thank me for the hard work I do for the WPBA. The other Board members and various WPBA staffers (or former staffers) also tell me how important the work that I am doing is...and how difficult it would be if they didn't have access to the knowledge I have accumulated over the years. So...when I take those things into consideration...I don't regret most of the choices I have made. Yet...LOL.

So...back to San Diego and the first event of the year. I suppose I will do what I did all last year....get back to work to make sure the tournament runs smoothly....and try to cram some practice in this weekend in hopes that I can get my stroke going and my groove on.

Wish me luck...I may need it.

3 Cheers for Bar Trivia!!!

2010-02-10T12:07:00.000-08:00

So I am a trivia buff. Most of my friends know that...because they are also trivia buffs. Self-proclaimed geeks, nerds, know-it-alls. We enjoy playing games involving trivia...constantly trying to one-up one another...or teaming together to show off our collective knowledge of little known facts. Which is why we were so thrilled to find King Trivia at a local Chuy's one night after a softball game. Let's just say it gave our inner geeks a place to be truly free...where having the right answer isn't dorky...but will instead win us acclaim and prizes!

Week in and week out...my team would consistently finish top 3 in the trivia contests...often taking home the top prize....a $20 gift certificate Chuy's. We saved those gift certificates for several months...and eventually amassed almost $300 worth...at which point we had a big party when our softball team won our division that season.

But I digress. The point of the story is that I finally have use for these random facts that float around inside my brain. Things like...

What WD40 stands for...and how it was invented in the first place
What popular actress started modeling at 16, and landed her first movie role in a comedy at the age of 21
What a somnambulist is

I have always loved being a closet geek/nerd/dork/dweeb/etc. I read a magazine called Mental Floss. I take IQ tests for the fun of it. I play a daily online Trivial Pursuit game. And now...with bar trivia...I can finally make a little $$ from all of it!

Restlessness

2010-02-04T13:20:00.000-08:00

I've been restless lately...wanting to explore new things, get stuff done, achieve something special or meaningful. Don't get me wrong...I live a good life. I have a good job, I'm a professional pool player, my home life is happy. But I've begun to realize that I could do so much and be so much more...and the resulting feeling is restlessness...the desire to DO...not just BE.

I'm starting a regional tour here is So Cal. This is my first serious effort at giving back to the sport that has given me so much. There is plenty of talent here...and I want to give these players the same opportunity I had to realize their pool dreams. It's hard work...but I know it will be worth it once I'm done.

I've also started a Bucket List...and the first item on the list is to create the list...LOL. It's harder than you think. Try coming up with 100 things to do before you die. I've only come up with 49...which means I've either done a lot of things that I've wanted to in life...or I'm a serious underachiever. Unfortunately...I have a feeling it is the latter...but I'm going to keep working on it. I was telling J-Bar about my list the other day...and she wanted to hear some of the list. Here are a few of the more unusual items...

Get dressed up in traditional geisha attire and make-up.
Go to a black church in the deep south and sing gospel with them.
Voice a cartoon character.
Be a DJ for a day.

More about my Bucket List once it is finished.

This blog itself is a direct result of my restlessness. After reading J-Bar's and Liz Ford's blogs...I was inspired to my thoughts to the page.

That's it for now. No need to exert myself on the first day ;)